This is the postpartum and infancy through 6 months edition. I wrote a similar post last year about pregnancy, which you can find here. I had a lot of fun with it, actually. Then a friend of mine suggested doing a similar one about motherhood, infancy and the like. I've been mulling around ideas in my mind for a while now and I think I've got some good ones. Naturally, these apply to first child only, because, well, I only have one. Of course, feel free to share anything you learned as a new mother. This is a supershort series - there will be two posts. Yippee!! And now, on to the secrets!
Disclaimer: The things I share come from my own experience. This is completely and wholly exclusive. The very first thing is the one you should pay the most attention to. Actually, pay no attention to anything. This expert really doesn't know a thing.
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Every single experience is different.
You are likely to have a dozen friends and family members {or more, in my case!} who have had babies. Every. single. one. of them will have advise for your troubles. Every. single. one. of them will know the secrets. And every. single. one. of us are right because every. single. one. of us is different. Which brings me to my second point:
Everyone will probably tell you what they did with their kids that worked. And suggest that you do the same.
If you have a problem with this, you should probably shut yourself in your home and lock all the doors, turn off all phones and cancel all internet connectivity. This is a task that must not be delayed.
Perhaps this seems pretty *duh* to a lot of people. Naturally, sleep is an elusive treasure, at best, when you have a baby. But people also tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. At least with my baby, who took 15-20 minute naps for the first couple of months she was born, I didn't even have enough time to fall asleep. And I was usually really tired. So try sleep when you're not tired (as if you aren't!). That might trick your brain into sleeping (or not....sorry to get your hopes up).
Postpartum recovery will be as unique as your pregnancy was.
Remember how all your family and friends offered tons of advise about your pregnancy? Remember how a lot of it didn't apply to your situation? They'll offer advise about postpartum, too. Tell you what worked for them. Or how long before they were recovered and fully functioning again. Take all this with the same grain of salt you took advise while you were pregnant. I had one friend who felt ready to exercise and go back to work after two weeks. Another friend used her doughnut pillow for six weeks and wanted so badly to avoid such an experience the second time that she actually asked for a c-section. I personally spent an average of 3-4 days each week in the doctor's office for 13 weeks before I was fully recovered {infection does that to a person, unfortunately}. This was entirely unexpected. I had different plans than my body. Perhaps next time we should try coordinating a little better, no? Don't compare your experience to anyone. You'll likely just get depressed . . . or a bit too smug. Whatever the case may be.
The stuff they give you at the hospital? Don't leave without it.
I don't care who you are, everyone needs this stuff. The doughnut pillow, the Lansinoh cream, the Medi-Pads, the squirt bottle {squirming yet?}, and the disposable underwear will all be lifesavers when you first come home. Trust me.
Your body will not be the same.
I took a pregnancy class in college. One day, our professor {a nurse who worked in the postpartum unit in the hospital} warned us of this fact. She told a story of once coming into a recovery room where a postpartum mother was getting ready to leave the hospital after having her baby. The woman was in tears. My professor asked the woman what was wrong. Turns out, she was upset that she couldn't fit into her pre-pregnancy, size 2 jeans. Unless you are one of those women who bounces right back after delivery with ne'er a stretch mark and leaves the hospital feeling comfortable in your "regular" clothes {in which case, the rest of us in the world feel intense amounts of nothing but envy}, expect to wear those maternity clothes for a couple more weeks. For one thing, they are actually a lot more comfortable after delivery than your "normal" clothes. For another thing, it took nine months for your body to make all those changes. Don't expect it to bounce back in mere hours.
The first two weeks are easy.
I'm not joking. You are in some sort of euphoric high that tends to make all things easy. You'll start to wonder about parents who complain. What's not to love? Not getting more than a half-hour of sleep at a time? Piece of cake! Changing a million diapers a day? Nothin' to it! Feeding that screaming baby no matter what insane time the fussing begins? No problema. You are the ultimate mothering machine.
After the first two weeks, your body kicks into sleep deprivation mode.
No joke here, either. Someone briefly mentioned to me that it's always after you come down from the first two-week high that you need help, but I wish they would have delved a little deeper rather than mentioning in passing. Once you go two weeks feeling on top of the world, you begin to believe you are invincible. Somehow, the experience of going through childbirth and being catered to in the hospital makes coming home so fantastic and wonderful. You are the closest you'll ever be feeling like Wonder Woman! You can't believe how well you are functioning with so little sleep. Then *BAM!!!* Your lack of sleep will hit you like you ran into a brick wall and you'll suddenly be aching to get more than 3 hours of sleep every night. In fact, you're finally ready to hire that babysitter so that you can get more than an hour sleep at once.
Find ways to pass the time. If you have any of that.
For the first couple of months after Livie was born, I did a ton of reading. My baby was - and still is - a slow eater. I spent an hour to an hour and a half every three hours during the day nursing my baby. That's a long time to just sit and twiddle your thumbs. So I read. Seriously, I read probably 20 books in that time. Get stocked up or get your husband to go to the library for you on a frequent basis. Or you could become seriously acquainted with every piece of texture lining your walls. Whichever suits your fancy.
Before you became three you were two.
Don't forget about your dear husband. It can be really easy to get caught up in the mothering aspect of having a baby. You will be so busy being mom that you might forget to be a wife. Your hubby needs your attention, too. I promise, the baby really will be okay with a babysitter for an evening out. You really can stay up an extra hour later to spend time with your one and only. You're already sleep deprived. Might as well keep it up.
Join me tomorrow for the second post of this supershort series. :D
4 comments:
I WISH someone had told me about postpartum recovery. I didn't hear a word. Of course, I probably should have just assumed I would be sore and bruised and the whole bit, but for some reason I didn't. I just remember getting up after giving birth and getting in the shower, looking down and thinking, "Oh, my gosh! What happened?!" And then bursting into tears. I couldn't sit on a hard surface for weeks. Of course, once I could, I ran right out and got a hair cut. That is an awesome experience. So refreshing!
And amen to the leaving-your-kid-with-a-sitter thing! It drives me crazy when my friends are like, "Oh, no, you don't want to watch so-and-so. He's a handful. I don't want to burden you with him," blah blah blah. Listen: if I offer, it's because I feel I can cope, not to just be nice. Leave the kid and go take a nap or go on a date or something!
I know exactly what you mean. You think people would warn you a little about postpartum recovery. It's almost like everyone is afraid that if women know how miserable it will be they won't have babies. But I'd rather know so I can expect it. I also completely understand about being unable to sit on a hard surface. When I finally went back to church {a month after Liv was born} we had to make an effort to be early enough that we could sit on the benches because I just couldn't do the chairs. I was beginning to worry that discomfort would be permanent when it finally went away but it took forever!
Jess. I loved reading this post. It's so true. All of it. I need to find a babysitter and get 2 hours of sleep IN A ROW! :)
I liked reading what you had to say and agree with all of it. I never minded the advice because I have this weird hankering to talk about baby stuff. So naturally I love posts that talk about motherhood.
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