Parenting to Temperament

In addition to Livie being involved in the Infant Toddler program, we also participate in a program called Parents As Teachers. We love this program! Every month, a parent educator comes to our house and works with us on developmental things, gives us information about how we can be better parents and teaches us different things we can do with Livie to help her, to teach her, or to strengthen our relationship. Also every month they have a "group meeting" where they plan great activities in different themes {such as math, science, music, traditions, etc}. It's a really great program and we really like being able to be a part of it.

Recently we had our parent educator out to our house and we talked about temperament. This is something I wasn't particularly familiar with beforehand but it is so helpful! We talked about how everyone has different temperaments {obviously} and that knowing your child's temperament and your own {that's a big key in this} that you can parent more effectively to your child. *Light bulb!* Of course it makes perfect sense, and in many ways I knew that before, but having specific words to put to my child and to myself helps tremendously! So I thought I'd document the specific temperament areas so I can always remember this.

These are the individual temperament traits:

1. High Activity Level, he burns lots of energy, moves often, and gets restless when sitting still for too long
2. Low Activity Level, he is content playing calmly

Olivia: 1
Me: 2
Dan: 1

1. Cautious approach to new situations, he may seem shy and hang back from new places or people
2. Bold and adventurous approach to new situations, he goes ahead without fear

Olivia: 2
Me: 1
Dan: 1

1. Long attention span, he is able to focus on a task, shifting his attention when he wants to
2. Short attention span, he is easily distractable and may not be able to focus on a task

Olivia: 2
Me: 1
Dan: 2

1. High sensory Sensitivity, he may have strong reactions to temperature, clothing, noise, or foods
2. Low Sensory Sensitivity, he may not know (or care) about noises, smells, tastes, or how textures feel

Olivia: this is the one we're not positive about her on
Me: 1
Dan: 2

1. High Sociability, he often smiles and shows a positive attitude in his play
2. Low Sociability, he may not reach out or initiate playful situations

Olivia: 1
Me: 2
Dan: 2

1. High tolerance for frustration, he can focus on tasks and is likely to be more adventurous
2. Low tolerance for frustration, he may have little ability to manage distress and may become easily frustrated, irritated or aggressive

Olivia: 2
Me: 2
Dan: I think he's a 1 but he's not sure

Um, the fact that Livie and I are opposites on almost all of these explain why we have daily struggles together! Of course, what is interesting to me, is that the one area in which we are the same also causes us to struggle {because she gets frustrated about something, like not being understood, which results in a meltdown and then I get frustrated because of the meltdown and it just snowballs from there}. I haven't figured out all of the details, but knowing all of this really helps me to parent Livie more effectively.

Yes, I still get frustrated {remember I have a low tolerance}, but I find it easier to understand her and my reactions to what she does now that I understand these things better. For example, I always used to get so exasperated that Livie couldn't seem to do anything for more than a couple of minutes before needing to move on to something else. I mean, I get that she's a toddler and that comes with the territory, but she seemed worse than a lot of kids. But knowing that she has a short attention span and that I have a long attention span, explains why I get frustrated about it and helps me to understand that she needs a lot of things to do {and that I need to teach her how she can stay on task better}. Anyway, it has been quite helpful. We'll keep working and experimenting and hopefully keep figuring out how to adjust so that we can parent to our child and not just raise her.