Siblings

There is plenty of sibling rivalry in this house.

If she has it, he wants it. 

If he eats it, she cries. 

If she teases, he screams. 

If he teases, she whines. 

If daddy plays with her, he's insanely jealous. 

If mommy plays with him, she's pouty. 

If she wants to watch x, he wants to watch y. 

It can be so easy to dwell on, to notice, to pay attention to the fighting, the whining, the tattling, the tears. It's hard not to, if we're being honest. Shouts and whines and cries usually demand attention. It's like a neon flashing sign rushing through the peripheral and coming at a halt directly in front of our eyes, blocking out all reason and understanding and ability to calmly assess the situation. Darn neon. 

But there is also so much sibling love in this house. 

It makes my heart swell with happiness when I see it. 

So I've been making a concerted effort to notice the peace, to pay attention to the mutual enjoyment, to praise compromise. It's like doing those things enables me with the off-switch to the neon sign so I can think more clearly when there is a struggle. And oh boy do I need that switch. 

Oh, they definitely love each other. 

Sometimes that love is louder than at other times. And I'm learning to embrace that.

Slowly. 

I'm also learning that all aspects of a sibling relationship, even the fighting parts, might be necessary for figuring out the strength of their relationship. Someone once told me that she believed that siblings fight so much because the bonds of trust and love are so strong that they know they can be at their worst and still be loved when all is said and done. 

Maybe there isn't much thinking in that process (can you imagine a seven year old thinking, "I'm gonna yell at her because I need to get my anger out and I know she'll forgive me and love me for it anyway"? Ha!) but it made sense to me. They feel safe with each other. Safety is really necessary when we're allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and raw and real. 

And siblings can really be that safe place. 

I'm working on being deliberate, on being present, on being peaceful myself so my children can play peacefully and develop a strong relationship, despite the inevitable squabbles. They are siblings, after all. But the loyalty they already exhibit for one another is astounding. The love they clearly have for each other is inspiring. 

The playing together, the sharing, the compromising, the fighting, the screaming, the tears, the making-up, the hugs and kisses—all of it is strengthening their relationship. 

And I am learning to love all of it. 

As long as my off switch is functional. 

I've never much liked neon.